Everyone else has one. Now I have one too...

Read it and weep.

all the best, Mike


March 29

well, cracko jacko the wacko might have to look at more boys (or their child psycholgists, which is worse) due to the ruling that previous accusations can be admitted into court. well, im sure his lawyer will make the kids look like crack whores, ya think? well, the show sunday night was fancy dress meets Happy Days' worst nightmare. sounds waddit too good and they had bloody go go dancers fer cryin outloud before we went on...crwod was nice...Housden, John Etherington, Hilary and Caryne were all pinned to the front. Johnny and me had good fun and the rest of the band were great, incuding the fellow up front! Now, i cant say enough about how fun it is to play with Johnny and how nice he is and how it's no problem for him to fit in with what we do these days. ive said it, you've read it folks...many, as nice as it sounds, it taint necc. to ask me if i'm ok with Johnny playing with us! Ha! I play the flute and strings and horns and all kinds of parts...i got a full time thing just doing what I DO! LOL! and everyone is nice and relaxed and enjoyoing the lets keep it possitive and keep having fun and my goodness, the Barstool Sales are great...keep it up yall. all the best from london! (its freezin outside!)

all the best, Mike


March 25

Last nights show was proper Bo, I tell thee. S'ham was in full affect, a packed house and a fun show. Mr. Chapple is home with the lovely Wife and brand new Kid so our pal, David Nolte ( Rufus Wainwright, Dave Davies, David Gray ), is filling in our this tour on bass guitar. Johnny Echols was really great last night as well as everyone else. it was great to see some familiar faces like Martin, Jackie B., Ainsley and Brummy Jim, who had joined Hannah, Jackie and me earlier at the Talking Heads pub down the road from the Brook. Hannah's college mates were all there and everyone enjoyed the show. afterwards, Hannah's mate, Chris, gave me, Hannah, Martin and their friend, Nikki, a ride. we dropped Martin off about a mile up and then we hit the kebab stand and then got dropped off at our hotel, where we chowed madly while watching sky news. yep, great fun. in Bisley at the moment now...just had ceasar wraps with Fraser. yum. from england...blagging the blog

all the best, Mike


March 23

its been a wonderful day in south coast england. tomorrow's the first show of the tour and the mixing is completed for the Jillian Wheeler record. Am just kicking back at Hannah's folks house at the moment, which is in Dorset, near Blanford. Lots and lots of country roads and this morning Hannah took me to the Milton Abbey, which is on the same grounds as the all-boy school her dad teaches Biology. there were some golfers out as well, since the course is right there too but all they hit were trees.

We watched some Wacko Jacko (or as Britian calls him now, CRACKO WACKO) while Hannah made me and her dad Quiche, Tomato soup and bread with Bleu Cheese. (ok, she microwaved the Quiche but so what)...oh wait, she put it in the oven, which requireed a great amount of care, timing and attention (her words, not mine)...then i watched some divorce court and then some Trisha and then we hung some clothes to dry to take advantage of teh wonderful sun. Spoke to Glenn, he sorted Kose and Treols out to the hotel, was picking up Daddyo, Johnny and the boys up later from Heathrow. Everyone is excited to have Johnny be onboard fulltime, as they very well should be. I am over the moon, as Johnny Echols is an absolute hero of mine. If i'm smiling alot onstage is because i'm beside myself playing with all these guys.

Tina and me are gonna team up via mobiles after the shows so she can deliever my blogs by word to somehow type and send off to the new guy. should be interesting. well, it's 5pm london time right now on this wed and me and Hannah are off to the pub for a bit. hear it's been pissing down in LA...what a had better stop when i get back home, which will be 1 month tomorrow. chatted with scottish keith as well...he was fighting the flu...i told him maybe he shouldnt drink while he's sick...also, after the wonderful york show (thanks to tina, lizzy, chris jones and a bunch of other great folks fer showing up), we sold lots of Cds and also split up for kebab time, as hannah and i went to our 'local' and lizzy and tina went to 'theirs!' ok, pub's a callin...hopefully MJ has lost his flair for the stupid armbands and pajamas and gone in a black suit like a good fellow...

all the best, Mike


March 18

well, Billy Joel's back in rehab, Lil' Kim is ogin to the slammer and Baretta beat the rap: it MUST be the weekend. Jolly good England is cold of course but not too cold, if you can believe that. The 12BAR show was fun, though i did do the set with amnesia. But nice folks showed up so it was great to see Sharon J and Hilary and my old buddy, Richard Meehan. John E was ill so im glad he stayed in and got some rest. Jonatha Brooke was good and even had a revealing top on. That'll always help the show out. Hannah and me had pints of Grolsh and later on had a kebab (first of the year!) on Charing Cross Road. We then walked back to the hotel, which was near Oxford Street and the Old Dominion Theatre (with that hideous statue of Freddy Mercury! thank goodness Freddy ain't around to see THAT), and hit up the hotel pub for a couple of Becks and Hannah rolled a cig and we chuckled about the show and hoe fun it was to hang out with nice people who had teh time to come out and have some fun. Especially this one guy, Richard, who's bought DEMOS UNDER CONSTRUCTION. Thanks to all.

So, being here and not home, i had to use the 'net to find out that Robert "Baretta" Blake beat the rap in his murder case and Jacko is still up sh*t's creek with half a paddle. See over here, Fox news (aka, SKY) is trying to sell the MJ IS INNOCENT angle so they take headlines like ACCUSER SAYS MOLESTATION DIDNT HAPPEN! and run that accross the TV screen all day. THEN you read the actual story and find out the kid told one of his teachers that MJ never did anything to him cause the other boys were accusing him of being raped by the gloved one. Pretty misleading headline, eh, Fox? (i mean SKY). think they ran another headline pointing out their mistake? what do YOU think?

yep, both Kate and a few others think i got it in for Jacko. believe me, even though, in my high school we had about 30 MJ impersonators, i aint got nothing against the boy. what i DOES bother me is this preferential treatment people give to stars and entertainers and people of celebrity. ok, i don't complain when customs allows me to cut the line cause they recognize me from some BBC thing...i don't event hink about it. but i like to think, if I BROKE THE LAW, i shouldn't be afforded anything they wouldn't afford anyone else. But what you find in this music biz is that the amount of narcissistic meglomaniacs running loose and being held unaccountable for their behavior is unimaginable. why society tolerates it i have no clue. most of them wind up offing themselves eventually though, don't they? well, i suppose we'll see with's gonna get get worse 'ore it gets better MJ so pop those presciptions and put on your best pajamas!

all the best, Mike


March 11

well its official: Wacko is a bad pajamamama. Yep, everybody's favorite Santa Maria nutter showed up to court in his PJays. Of course, Wacko had to be ordered to even show up and got threatened with jail. Now lemme get this straight...MJ dances on an SUV, delays the jury selection with 'Flu-Like' symptoms and now he hurts his back putting his pants on before court. Now, he does't CALL the court but instead figured, heck, i'm the King of Pop. Take me to the Hospital. Let THEM figure it out. Now, i know what yer thinking...'Mike, know what? Im gonna cash that Jacko check before something bad happens.' TOO LATE. Don't believe me?ask the Neverland workers who's MJ paychecks bounced so high they could been used by the Lakers at shoot-around. Not only is Jacko missing court dates, not only is his getting accused of wanking young boys whilst on Jesus Juice, NOT ONLY is he having the worst year of his life, but the poor boy is bouncing checks. Dang , Mike.

Now take it from someone who knows a little something about bouncing checks; it';s no fun, it's embarassing and it costs everyone (including you) more money than it's worth. But according to Fox News (and i use the word 'news' herevery loosely anytime i refer to Ruport Murdock's networks), Jacko earns $12 Mil a year but spends about $35 Mil a year. HUH? How can you spend 3 times more than you earn? When you owe a $450 Mil loan to Bank of America (due in December) , THAT'S how. Bank of America is also my bank. I did the math and came to the conclusion that MJ wasnt gonna be able to repay the loan. ESPECIALLY since Sony placed a lean on the Beatles catalog MJ USETA own (after advancing MJ an obscene amount of money that he's already plowed through) and B of A has a clause that prevents MJ from borrowing anymore money from ANYONE (one can imagine Janet breathed a sigh of relief...))...i would have to say the gloved one has gotten himself in a right pickle. Jail is probably looking better and better each day. How did he get himself into such a mess?

I dunno, seeing as so many of his friends (most notably, Quincy Jones) told him he'd be better off hanging out LESS with kids and more with people his own age you'd think MJ woulda listened. But try and think back: wot did he do after he settled for $25 Mil with the kid from the '93 case? GOT MARRIED to Lisa Marie!!!! Yay!!!!! Nice timing, MJ. Quincy has told people that MJ aint spoke to him in years because MJ dont wanna hear wot anyone has to say if it starts with, " MIchael, about those little boys you like...". And funny how one of MJs business sidekicks produces adult films. Not that it matters but this might to jurors in Santa Maria. And i think even after all the cruddy grifter stuff comes into the play on the accuser's family, it's still hard to get out yer mind a 46 year old man enjoys sleeping with boys not related to him. he enjoys holding their hands in a romantic way (check the Bashir doc!) and writes them sweet letters. Maybe MJ IS completely innocent and these are all just really strange coincidences. What's odd to me is, if Jacko beats the wrap, he's gonna feel that he can do anything he wants, now wont he? You think he's still hang with young boys? Can he help it?

all the best, Mike


March 6

So intrigue was i by the MJ circus that i caught up with the most important person in the jackson camp. No, not his lawyer. Nope, not even La Toya. Nope, not jermaine or even Macauley Culkin. it's MJ's O.U.H., Ali Abdul.

As jacko's Official Unbrella Holder, A.A. has the toughest job of all, which is to basically keep the King Of Pop's face from peeling off. below is the real interview this blogger did with Mr. Abdul...

me: did Michael Jackson try to bumm up that boy?
Him: never. he loves children.
me: he has a wine cellar hidden below neverland ranch. all the kids knew about it and supposedly got drunk with him. not only is that illegal, thats paedophile 101 stuff. how do you all explain that one?
Him: it's not true and they can't prove it.
me: ok. you hold the umbrella. ever get scared that some young gun will come round and take that job away from you?
Him: nope. no one holds the umbrella like me.
me: one would think you might feel a little insecure just holding an umbrella. has all this unusually heavy amounts of rain here in California sort of 'pumped you' up? you feel vindicated?
Him: oh, the rain has been great. my agent just texted me that he's got 4 or 5 scripts that he's looking into.
me: well, you only got about 7 more weeks of 'suspect' weather here. after that, it's hot till spetember, innit?
Him: yeah but the trial is set to last till about august.
me: will you be willing to hold the umbrella up in a cell with MJ?
Him: he's not going to lose this case. we are prepared to do wahtever it takes to win. they are trying to get his money.
me: well, he sure aint helping his case, dancing on cars outside the court room. did you feel betrayed when he left the umbrella and jumped on that car and started dancing? that looked pretty impromtu.
Him: what does 'impromtu' mean?
me: oh, that means 'gay'.
Him: oh, well then i disagree. Michael loves women.
me: really? what's the name of his girlfriend?
Him: uh...
me: does she get under the umbrella or is it just for Michael?
Him: listen, i have to go. here comes Michael.
me: i really like the video to ROCK WITH YOU.
Him: me too!
me: can we leave on a joke?
Him: ok. wot is it?
me: how come wacko jacko dont like baseball?
Him: i dunno, why?
me: three tykes and yer out!
Him: that's sick.

and just like that, the umbrella came up and the King Of Pop came out. I think Abdul was right; no one was gonna believe jacko touched them boys. Screw the evidence. he loves children. he's peter pan. let's stop this whole thing and let him go back to neverland. hopefully those kids have learned a valuable lesson. dont get drunk with 45 year olds and dont let them tickle yer willy whilst passed out on wine.

all the best, Mike

March 5, 2005

well, i battled the flu for 1 whole week but now that im better i'm ready for a for real pint.  now interesting that someone emailed me about the MJ trial.  Of course i called it a long time ago (hey, didnt i also predict martha's jail sentence and Iran's present issue?  well maybe iran wasnt that hard...) that MJ was up moonwalk creek.  Now i gotta give it to the defense cause the mom of the kid is a greedy caniving celeb hunter if you believe the reports.  and lets say the family was kidnapped by renegade MJ employees.  ok, i'll by that for now.  HOW do you explain the booze, both MJ and the accuser's fingerprints on pronography, the internet records of porno sites that have been collected by the police and the descritption of wacko's gentalia?

so, let me get this striaght:  i have to believe:

1. Jacko's cronies decided to keep the family prisoner after the airing of the
bashir tape FOR THEIR OWN (as yet, untold ) reasons.  not only that but they flew them to Miami for an 'intereview' that didnt happen.  AND they had passports for them to fly to brazil.  why?  no one knows but the prosecution contends its cause they wanted the family gone while the heat blew off.  Hmm.

2.  the kids picked MJ's wine cellar lock.  or better yet, stole the code.
this would explain why the accuser was drunk, driving a golf cart around

3.  the kids went into MJ's laptop and surfed porn sites EVERYTIME THEY VISITED without MJ knowing.  Also, they found his stash of booze (whiskey, wine, bourbon, vodka) underneath the bathroom sink without him knowing it.  Oh, Wacko don't drink hard liquor.  (Who's it for?  Liza Mannelli?)

4. both kids, under extreme scrutiny from professional child psychologist from both sides INCLUDING the top 'kiddy liar catcher' in the USA, passed EVERY tests they were questioned with.  Every single person swears these kids are either complete geniuses or they are telling the gospel truth.

5. that somehow these kids saw MJ naked when he didn't know.  So far teh
defense hasn't  answered that question.  My guess is they'll say MJ must have left a door open and they peeked.  innocent enough.  The Boys say he walked out the bathroom naked, past them to pick something up off the bed, and then went back to the bathroom.  what did he pick up?  yuk.  this story fly from MJ's perspective cause it's hard to prove it was intentional.  except for one problem.  the MOONWALKER had a little MOONROVER happening.  Yep, according to the boys, Jacko was sportin wood and they described some discolor underneath his, er, well you know what i mean.

So, i think if the defense can get around these 5 things they'll have MJ
moonwalking and in the studio making more dance records before the end of the summer. and more sleepovers.

all the best,Mike


March 2nd, 2005

Dear all, im extremely busy and have several deadlines i must meet AND i have to, by law, be a dad to my son Julian.  All at the same time PLUS im excited because i get to see my girl Hannah very soon and its been over 6 weeks since i seen her.  i got a call last night from the singer of the Fuzztones.  They were down the road at Lincoln Lounge Studios (one of me and Rusty's favorite studios) and asked me to come by last night and do a guitar solo on their record.  i did and everyone seemed happy.  then i found out the Fuzztones are playing in London as part of that festival thingy and they are playing the night before us, on the 26th, so i'd advise you to check them out.  i was always a fan of their music so it was nice to play on their record.  ok ... So wot im thinking about is having someone ring my mobile while we are on the road and getting my ... notes via phone and writing it out their own way, ala David Housen ( i love the way he paraphrases me...makes me sound wat more intelligent than i am!) thats the idea for now, that way, we can pull some swing-voters off the fence and get them on those trains and out to the shows.  my name's Mike Randle and i approved this message.